Widowhood & Narcissistic Abuse: A Series on Survival – Shielded by a Shepherd’s Staff

Widowhood and Financial Turmoil

While widowhood opens up a Pandora’s Box of uncertainty and unpreparedness (especially in the event of a sudden and premature death), the financial impact can be devastating if there was inadequate financial planning or no life insurance coverage. In the midst of your grief, the thing you want to care about the least is your finances. Yes – it is imperative that you keep your head above water, and you find yourself fighting to not lose financial ground. Your home, your children, your health – all of these take a nosedive. Many widows lose not only their spouse’s income but their own; for one reason or another it is not uncommon for widows to lose their jobs and thus their source of livelihood. Many widows find themselves having to choose between their emotional and physical recovery and their financial well-being. We learn to lean on the Shepherd’s staff like never before in our lives. The declaration, “I shall not want” does not merely address the material needs of a widow – it is a declaration that the Lord is our caretaker, our defender, our provider, our rescuer, and a very present help in times of trouble. Much like a shepherd who nurtures and cares for every need of his sheep. His sheep have gained confidence in the expert care and devotion of their shepherd.  

Narcissistic Abuse & Financial Turmoil

Narcissistic abuse requires you to acknowledge that the financial, emotional, and spiritual challenges you face are ongoing and are inflicted upon you by the hand of man, not God. In what is well-known as post-separation abuse, the narcissistic abuser has only one goal – the total destruction of the person who dared to leave. Towards this end, there will be much deception, under-handedness, manipulation of facts, and orchestration of a smear campaign. Oddly enough, the very relationships that you had begun to see as a blessing to you and your children are turned against you. People who called themselves friends at the very least become absent and invisible in your life. People who profess to love and respect you begin to see you as the adversary, especially when financial matters are concerned. Greed is pit squarely against integrity. Moral grand-standing (a narcissistic specialty) is used to disguise covert desires to acquire what rightfully belongs to another.  

Grappling with Betrayal

It is very difficult to comprehend the moral justification behind certain behaviors. You will grapple with the reality of betrayal at the hands of those you did not wrong. Isaiah 1:17 exhorts us to “learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression; bring justice to the fatherless, plead the widow’s cause”.  Especially, in a situation when a widow has been wronged at the hands of a narcissistic abuser, God provides so many opportunities for His people to step up and right some of the wrongdoing. Some faithful ones will step up and become your defenders. Others will step in and become a source of encouragement. Many will rise and wage spiritual warfare on your behalf as you continue to battle the ongoing manipulation at the hands of the abuser.  

But then, you will have others who make conscious decisions to not right a wrong. They will choose to reject any opportunity that God has given them to provide redress and fulfill the exhortation of correcting oppression. They align themselves with the agenda of the abuser to see you and your children destroyed. It may not be the responsibility of anyone to correct the oppression; but, it most certainly is a conscious decision to reject the opportunity. So what can you do about these situations? You will grapple with the sense of betrayal. You will try to understand such behavior, but you will not be able to. Much like trying to make sense of what you endured at the hands of the narcissistic abuser, nothing will make sense.  

Lean on the Shepherd’s Staff

We are reminded in Luke 18 about the unjust judge who granted redress to the widow only because he got tired of her pleadings; but God, Who is not unjust, will bring about justice for those who cry out to Him. What that looks like you may never know. But lean on the Shepherd’s staff – He will keep you from slipping over the cliff of bitterness and unforgiveness by placing the crook of His staff around your neck. The false sense of security that comes from anything other than the provision of the Lord usually leads to the grip of greed, which in turn will result in you being poor in spirit and shriveled in soul. The Lord will provide – because He owns you and as your Shepherd has assumed full responsibility for your care. Satan’s ploys to destroy will not prevail.

Let your life be on full display as a beacon of hope for all who have been wronged but place their hope in their Shepherd; let your life be a continued example of God’s faithfulness even in the midst of all the wrongdoing. Some days you will give in to despair. Some days you will give in to anger and bitterness. Some days you will fight to rise above all of that darkness. My prayer is this; someday you will be at a place where you will realize that every weapon that was wielded to bring destruction to your life, has not and will not prevail. Embark on this adventure of trust – trusting is easy when we have the means to care for ourselves. Trusting when the odds are stacked against you, that is different. But, hopefully it is not foreign to you – just look back at how tenderly He held you in the many trials of your life. Once again – lean on the Shepherd’s staff. 

He will give you a deep, quiet settled peace that passes all understanding.