The nation’s first Father’s Day was celebrated on June 19, 1910 in the state of Washington when a young woman – who, along with her 5 siblings, was raised by a widower – wanted to honor her father and drummed up support from her local churches, the YMCA, local shopkeepers, and the government. In 1914, then President Woodrow Wilson made Mothers’ Day official. 58 years later, in 1972, Fathers’ Day was officially recognized as a day to honor fathers in the United States.

Over the years, the role of fathers in the home has changed not just from culture to culture and generation to generation, but also father to father.  While some fathers accept their role as sole bread-winner with a stay-at-home wife, others prefer to be a primary bread-winner with a spouse who supplements the household income, and yet others are perfectly comfortable with a total reversal of these roles. The truth is, regardless of which of these models you embrace as a male, what matters above all else is what your children think of you and the opinions they have formed of you as a dad.

Building trust and strong attachments with your children, modeling healthy relationships with their mother and other members of the family, demonstrating a high level of respect for their mother within the home on a daily basis, embracing the changing responsibilities in child-rearing, demonstrating empathy for your children so that they learn compassion for others, being engaged in the trivial daily events of your child’s life, being present not just physically but connecting emotionally…and the list goes on. All of these are the foundational elements of a good father (and mother) and will give your children a solid grounding.  

Yet, how many of us can claim to have a father who met ALL of these expectations ALL of the time? Probably none. However, if you have modeled grace and empathy for the shortcomings of your spouse and children, your children will willingly offer you the same grace and empathy for your shortcomings.

While some of us can remember our dads with fond memories because of how exemplary they were as fathers, others have mixed responses to our memories of our dads. Some were raised by men who provided the best materially, but failed to develop a bond of mutual trust and understanding.  Yet others were raised by men who were abusive and violent in the home. I’ve heard it said, “The best gift you can give your children is to treat their mother with respect.” Regardless of what kind of father you had, today is a day to remember him.  

• If you struggle to celebrate your dad or the memory of him if he has passed on, I am sorry.  
• If you struggle to celebrate today because the bond between your dad and you was so beautiful, it pains you to have lost him, I am sorry.  
• If you are elated to celebrate this day with your dad, who is still present here on earth with you and who over the years has nurtured you, praised you, and reminded you of how precious you are to him – Celebrate loud. Celebrate big. You are blessed, indeed.

Much that dads do can go unnoticed and unapplauded. The daily grind of working, traveling, being available to not just his family but also others who depend on him in the professional world – all of these demands can wear a man down.  

• For those among you who strive to do your very best and then some – I salute you.  
• For those among you who have encountered hardships along the way that compromise your ability to be the dad you really want to be – I salute you.  
• For those among you who have had to go it alone, or worse yet, with the constant contention that comes from co-parenting in a hostile environment – I salute you.  

At the end of the day, I hope and pray that you make the time to talk to your children about both the good things in your life and the challenges you have faced so they can feel like they are on this journey of life with you.

The best legacy you can leave your children is the memories you make with them, not how much money you made, not the gifts you bought them, and not the money you left them in your will. You will still be remembered for how you made your children feel about themselves when they were around you and how important they believed they were to you when you were not able to be around them.  

Make memories!! The best memories are the simplest ones we make on a daily, consistent basis to the point where our children come to expect them as normal events in their lives.  

• If you children can talk about you with a grin on their faces and a smile in their heart – you are a winner.  
• If your children remember you long after you are gone with a sense of gratitude and blessedness intermingled with the sadness of losing you – You are their hero!!

I pray you aspire to be your children’s hero – in life and death. Happy Fathers’ Day!