Here are the top ways an abuser uses mind control to keep you from recognizing the abuse and prevent you from leaving:

• Isolating their victims socially – they will have to approve any contact (including texts and calls) with friends and family. They choose who you can meet, where and when.

• Restricting access to information – you are strictly on need-to-know basis. 

• Enforcing rules with punishments for “disobedience” – the words you will hear a lot are “immediate obedience” or else suffer “consequences”. Eg. “When I yell STOP you will have to stop dead in your tracks, or else.”

• Blocking their partners from making decisions about things that matter – you will be accused of being a bad wife who does not know that “everything” you do in a marriage is supposed to be done together. Eg. “I told you about that blog, but the fact that you read it alone (without consulting me) is proof you don’t know what marriage is.” Or, “You purchased a laundry hamper without me approving of the design.” Yup. The petty stuff has to be controlled. 

• Keeping their partners sleepy and even malnourished – sarcastic remarks about how you “slept in” when you woke up at 6 am. “This proves you’re lazy while “some of us” have been up since 4 am. You can nap when you’ve finished doing the things on the list I gave you. I want to lose weight so you are not allowed to eat until dinner (when I eat). I don’t have a problem with anorexics – if you put on an inch around your waist don’t blame me for seeking attractive women.”

• Pushing their partners to consume alcohol and drugs – “You are more fun when I give you a few drinks. I enjoy watching you tipsy”.

• Drugging their partners without their knowledge, so the victim just does not “feel right” and may even lose consciousness.

• Exhausting them physically through forced labor in or outside the home – “I notice some dust on the piano; you have not cleaned the glass doors to my satisfaction; you will watch my grandchildren so their parents can get a break, and no, the toddler will not go to daycare because it’s your job to take care of them”.

• Humiliating and injuring them through sex – acts of violence resulting in injury to your sexual organs.

• Manipulating them through lies, the silent treatment, and gaslighting – I will act like you don’t exist for days on end until you apologize for being upset that I slammed you up against the wall. (After all, I have the right to treat you as I please).

• Making their partners “crack” mentally by torturing them. For example, by denying them needed medication, forcing them to listen to two talk radio stations at once, denying them access to showers. “You will sit here and listen to me talk until I am done. I noticed you did not respond to what I’m saying so that means you are not paying attention. Why are you quiet on this car ride? It must mean you are thinking bad thoughts about me. You have to speak so I know what you are thinking” (of course, this only happens when the motor-mouth is sulking and is in a rare mood to be silent).

Know the signs. Heed them. Run.

If you have to stay -get help on how to survive.

There are things you can do to help you survive until you can get out.